Stop Measuring Your Success by Someone Else's Standards

We spend our childhoods going to school and working to get in to a good college. Then we spend college working our asses off so we can hopefully get a mediocre job that pays the bills. Then we work at those jobs in hopes of eventually working our way up to a job we don't hate. Then, when we finally (hopefully) get those decent jobs, we work hard to make enough money to send our kids to college so they can get a job and eventually make money to send their kids to school, so that they can send theirs to school, too....

But, why?

I recently had a conversation about careers with a friend who is in his final year of college, pursuing a STEM degree in a field where he is pretty much guaranteed a job and good pay. More importantly, he actually enjoys the material he's studying and will probably enjoy his career. I think that's awesome! But throughout this conversation, it became clear that he believes people should follow that clear-cut path that I laid out in the first paragraph. When talking about a mutual friend who wants to work in the arts, he basically scoffed at the idea and implied that this friend would never have a career.

If you care about what other people think, you will always be their prisoner. At the end of the day, no one else will suffer the consequences or enjoy the benefits of your choices. Your parents can get mad that you didn't turn out as they planned, your friends can think you're crazy, and your neighbors can judge you. You know what they can't do? Live your life. If you choose not to pursue a dream because it isn't "safe", not a single one of your friends or family can take away the heavy feeling of "what if?" that you'll be stuck with for the rest of your life.

Choose a life you don't need a vacation from. I also had a similar conversation with another person a few days later, but with a much different tone. This time I was speaking with an older, very established actor about his career and how he made the decision to pursue his dreams. Like my first friend, he grew up believing that it was wise to choose your job based on money; while he enjoyed acting, he gave it up because it was "unrealistic" and going in to finance was a "safe" choice. Yes, he had a very lucrative career, but he found himself looking for any excuse to take the day off. He did take vacations, but he also took time off to do commercials or short films, even if they were unpaid. He eventually gave his fallback career up to return to show business because he couldn't continue to miss regular work for his acting work. His income is a lot lower but he is also a lot happier and it definitely shows.

I am not trying to say that money and approval from loved ones don't matter. Of course they do. You need money to survive and it's natural to want the support of the people you care about. But I also think that being happy matters a hell of a lot more than money and it is not up to anyone but you to decide what is going to make you happy. If financial stability and frequent promotions are your version of success, then that is fantastic. If being on stage or painting is more your thing, then I think that is also great. What is not great is choosing not to live the life you want and deserve. Yes, you may have to make sacrifices, like working low-wage jobs to pay the bills until you find success in your dream career, but I think it's better to struggle for your dream than not to experience it at all.